A Letter to My Senior Rescue Dog...

I remember the day so well that you came into my life. You were surrendered by your owner....not because they didn't love you, but because you are a bit of a handful. With a new baby in the house you couldn't be trusted...and I soon grew to learn why that was! The first night you did not want to get into that super sized kennel that came with you. You would run away when I tried putting you in and then growl at me. But, I wasn't afraid of you and you knew that. A little game of cat and mouse and off to the kennel you went. I tried leaving you out a few times in the basement...but you kept chewing at the doorknob. You were stubborn like that. Although you were just a foster at the time, I decided to allow you to mingle upstairs with my dogs and cat. I did slow introductions as I didn't quite trust you. A couple of lunges made at my other senior dog and cat and back downstairs you went....we would try again tomorrow. It didn't take you long to learn the rules though.....and it didn't take me long to learn that you may be my second foster failure. I struggled with the decision so much....how would I manage three big dogs on my own? But, the longer you stayed, the better behaved you became and the more you grew on me.

I posted the foster ad for you several times with no interest (lets just say I didn't try very hard either lol) and after three months I decided you weren't going anywhere. You found your retirement home. Oh boy!

For a 10 year old dog you certainly had a lot of energy. "Maybe the old owners lied to me about his age?" I would wonder. After all you could keep up with your younger fur sister on walks, swims and hikes. I thought there was no slowing you down!

But, you did slow down....slowly but also sort of quickly.

It was only 8 months ago we were on a 4 hour hike and swim together where you towed us around the swimming hole and barked at us to throw you a ball.

It was only 4 months ago we celebrated your 12th birthday in style with party hats, cake and of course a play at the park. You weren't slowing down for anyone, although your body told you different. I noticed your legs were getting worse....and just two months ago your breathing started to get really weak. "Paralysis in the larynx the vet said....it could get worse, or it may not". But, in just two short months you went from running in the field to barely getting enough air walking around the block on leash. You look so tired and your poor face has gotten so white.

I tried to help your back legs by getting you a wheelchair, but your poor front legs are in rough shape themselves and paired with your breathing, the wheelchair just wont work buddy. Im sorry...I tried. I don't know what to do and Im trying so hard to be strong for you. "Make sure he has a quality of life" they say....but what exactly does that mean to a 12 year old lab who is more headstrong and stubborn then anything or anyone I have ever known. Do I ignore the fact you struggle to breath and your tongue turns purple and take you running anyways because I know thats what you live for? But, if I do that and you fall down running because your legs are too weak due to your neurological disorder - do I lift all 95 lbs of you back to the house? Are you in pain my boy? Do you want to live if you can't run and play like we used to? Are you ready to leave this world behind and go to the rainbow bridge? Please just tell me what to do! If you could talk to me these are the questions I would want answered....oh how I pray to God that you could just give me a sign that you are tired, that you are sore and that you are ready to go. Even though I know Ill never be ready to say goodbye to you - I want to do whats best for you. But, I am just not ready yet my old friend. I cannot make this decision on my own, and I really don't want you to leave me yet. So, please stay with us for another little while....if you want to....if you can.....if you're strong enough.......and if you can't - its ok too -I understand buddy - you just need to show me somehow. Please.

And, when that time does come, I can only pray that I made the last two years of your life the best you could have had. It is all I can hope for. You certainly made a lasting impression on mine. I love you my boy and I promise I will be there for you until your last breath., and during your last breath....whenever you decide that will be.

XO

Love your heartbroken mom and friend.